Emotions of Memoir

When you truly begin to confront the emotions surrounding your memoir, it can be daunting to the degree that it stops you in your tracks. You are not alone. There is nothing wrong with you. This stuff is challenging. Hard stop.

Here we invite you to take in some of the more common emotional roadblocks memoirists face. Part of the reason for our accountability group (available to Path #2 members) is to create space to write in community. At Memoir Nation, we take the emotions of memoir seriously, and we will be continuously looking for more offerings to create space for sharing, processing, and getting support for this aspect of the journey.

Shame

Shame—oof. When this emotion surfaces, it can be a real doozie. Most of the shame we carry is not something that results from our own behavior, or our own doing (though, yes, can be that too). More often, shame comes from something that’s been done to us, leaving us to suffer the burdens that other people have placed upon us. It can take a lifetime to process shame, but memoir is a good container for it. You will have shame attacks when you write your memoir, and the only way out of it is through.

Fear of Outcome

Fear of outcome will stop writers from writing. We’re scared of what others will think. We realize we may hurt others, or make a fool of ourselves, or disclose secrets we weren’t supposed to ever tell. One of the most famous mantras that memoirists live by comes from Annie Lamott in Bird by Bird: “You own everything that happened to you. Tell your stories. If people wanted you to write warmly about them, they should have behaved better.”

This doesn’t make telling our stories suddenly easier, but it is an empowering sentiment, and you can guide your memoir journey by asking yourself: What is mine to tell? Memoir writing takes time, so we encourage writing alongside the fear. Again, the only way out is through.

Writing About Others

This point is connected to fear of outcome because—What if you hurt someone? What if you get sued? What if someone in your life is telling you what you remember isn’t true? What if you are worried about how another family member will react if you share something that’s been mandated to be buried underground, but you’re wanting to resurface what happened?

Writing about others is fraught, and has real consequences. Oftentimes this is the reason it takes writers so long to write and finish their memoirs, and that’s okay. There are important relationships and considerations here, not to be written off, but rather to be held with care. Write it first, assess it later. Keep in mind that just because you write it doesn’t mean you have to publish it. Keep going, and time will tell.

Emotions of Memoir

Further Reading on the Emotions of Writing Memoir